Cultivating Pleasure In Your Relationship 

Our mainstream culture is fast paced & outcome focused. Due to this we often feel overwhelmed, rushed, tried, & disconnected, unable to access our pleasure. We can change this by prioritising & exploring the vast range of erotic, pleasurable & connective experiences in our world. It’s about setting intention & creating new habits, despite living in this mainstream culture – which is not going to change anytime soon. Here are somethings to consider when cultivating pleasure in your unique relationship.

Time Rich Activities 

Creating the time to luxuriate in your partner & your relationship can be hard, but it is essential. Remember; everybody’s desires & body sensations change overtime – a whole body pleasure mapping session with your lover? A date night/weekend? Change things up a bit – monotony is a desire killer for many. For a variety of ideas take a look over the ‘Erotic Adventures Check List’ below. 

Time Poor Activities 

Short connective & pleasurable activities could include: creating the habit of spending one minute a day: embracing (a deep hug), or holding hands & eye gazing before leaving for work. Other ways to offer undivided attention: a 15 min foot massage, a head scratch, a shoulder rub – how would your lover like some touch? How about regular appreciation/gratitude texts? Creating a morning cuppa tea ritual? Weaving in quick intentional actions like these can make a huge difference in the feelings of connectedness in your relationship.

High Energy Activities 

When the relationships energy is high: physical touch, sex, body movement, play-fullness, dancing together, time in nature, or pick something from the ‘Erotic Adventures Check List’ below.

Low Energy Activities 

Low energy times are a natural part of life & sometimes part of the relationship cycle. Coupled with stress, hormones, trauma, disabilities, big life events etc. these things can all play havoc on accessing our erotic energy or our physical energy. Why not try gentle touch that is not outcome focused, sharing a bath, cooking together, a slow walk in nature, listening to a relationship educational  podcast, watching a delicious show, reading erotica …etc. Any activities that helps your relationship feel nurtured & connected. If the low energy moments are lingering or abnormal & is causing concern you could explore this in sex & relationship therapy. 

Self Pleasure & Sexual Autonomy

Encourage each others sexual differences, including your own self pleasure practices. Remember everybody has their own sexual journey, which includes unique; history, experiences, fantasies, needs & desires. At the end of the day you are responsible to meet your own sexual needs. Some people have a naturally low desire or sex drive, or the polar opposite. Neither is right or wrong. Repeated pressure to have sex, or repeated rejection of the request for sex, are common relationship stressors that are bought into sex & relationship therapy.   

Erotic Adventures Check List – explicit content warning!

The below check list is non extensive & is not a recommendation, but rather a variety of sexual activities for the intent of broadening peoples range of erotic adventure options. List items require research to create safe, consensual & educated play. Separately consider the check list (be brave) & then share with a partner. As you go through the list keep in mind: would you like to do these things to others, or have these things done to you? Or both? Any exciting overlaps? Are there things you hadn’t even considered & are curious about? What’s on your ‘hell no’ list? Maybe you feel comfortable gifting an experience to your partner that isn’t on your list or vice versa? Be a safe person to share with – don’t yuk someone else’s yum! Never do anything you don’t want to do. 

And pressuring your partner for something they don’t want to do – is a definite no! 

For more information & in the interests of safety please do additional research before trying unknown or risky list items. Some of these list items do require deeper understanding to avoid harm especially those ones highlighted *

Take responsibility for yours and your partners safety, education & consent.